trial + error

by nice bike

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1.
unpunk (10th take) 05:05
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always pretty, never handsome never settled on myself clenching fists and throwing tantrums never shattered, handled well maybe one day i’ll be decent maybe one day i’ll be fine in the bathroom, on the tile floor writing rules to stay alive set alarms i can’t wake up to go to sleep with my eyes wide maybe one day i’ll be decent maybe one day i’ll be fine time takes a while i’m halfway home music switched off i’m halfway alone i am waiting for the sun to come in, i feel it i am waiting for the flowers to bloom i am waiting to wake up different in someone else’s room i am waiting for the sun to come in, i feel it i am waiting for the flowers to bloom i am waiting to wake up different in someone else’s room i am waiting for the sun to come in, i feel it i am waiting for the flowers to bloom i am waiting to wake up different in someone else’s room i am waiting for the sun to come in, i feel it i am waiting for the flowers to bloom i am waiting to wake up different in someone else’s room i am waiting for the sun to come in, i feel it i am waiting for the flowers to bloom i am waiting to wake up different in someone else’s room
2.
nothing 02:28
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i know that it doesn’t mean much anymore and i know that after a certain amount of lying on the floor it’s just lying on the floor it’s not depression, it’s not resting it’s just a way of defining myself circular thought encircling me but i hate being nothing to you i know that i was and i hate being nothing to you i hate being nothing to you i know that i was and i hate being nothing to you when i know that i used to i hope you hear me it’s not important but i i hope it makes it through i haven’t changed much, i know i’m still pathetic but i still want the best for you i hate being nothing to you i know that i was and i hate being nothing to you i hate being nothing to you i know that i was and i hate being nothing to you i hate being nothing to you i know that i was and i hate being nothing to you i hate being nothing to you i know that i was and i hate being nothing to you when i know that i used to
3.
green army jacket 03:11
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i wanna be the song that sells you on a band i want the kind of love that shakes my fillings loose that’s why i don’t understand why i tell you, “see you later” and you always seem to tell me, “see you soon” i don’t know how to move forward i don’t know how to live like i should i can’t do what’s right for the life of me am i making it worse? i am making it worse leave yr cigarettes in my flowerbeds we sit in the driveway, you rest yr head on my shoulder it’s dark, we should go back inside and forget that it’s late and forget that i lied i don’t know how to move forward i don’t know how to live like i should i can’t do what’s right for the life of me am i making it worse? i am making it worse i’m no good i am closing up for good at least until i’m sure that i’m secure enough to keep from hurting you i am trying to know myself and trying not to write a new story ’til i’m sure that i’ve got one that’s true i don’t know how to move forward i don’t know how to live like i should i can’t do what’s right for the life of me am i making it worse? i am making it worse i don’t know how to move forward i don’t know how to live like i should i can’t do what’s right for the life of me am i making it worse? i am making it worse i’m no good
4.
heavy (oct 11) 02:40
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can you let me keep you in my heart? just a moment longer, i know it’s not the time can you let me keep you in my heart? just a moment can you tell me about yr day? yr old tattoo, yr friend that moved can we sit here on the couch? yr parents’ house, a lamplit room all i need the quiet and you can we make our pointless plans? the things we thought we’d get to do? can you lie and say you’ll stay? i’m young enough to think it’s true all i need the quiet can you let me keep you in my heart? just a moment longer, i know it’s not the time just a moment
5.
redeye 03:25
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i took a day i took a redeye to new york to get away i tried to rest up on the plane but couldn’t quite shut down my brain, but felt okay i took a train to my hotel on 39th to dodge the rain i wondered when i’d finally see you but you wouldn’t take my call, so self-contained “feel the static, breathe it in and let it go please don’t call yrself a quitter, you tried hard to feel at home it’s okay, it’s okay, yr old bedroom’s still the same just come home, just come home and take it slow” i walked down 10th so i could see my old apartment, look inside but all the decorations changed i felt adrift, i had a past-tense state of mind it’s me that left i don’t know why i always feel like blaming you i’m doing fine, i’m doing fine it’s just that i’m not doing quite as fine as you i felt it coming i saw the boulder rolling down but still i thought that i could stay but at 3 a.m. at the cortlandt station, i told my dad “i know i’m not okay” “i know i’m not okay” “how do i learn to be okay?” and then, a crowded party smiling faces, almost friends i’m almost better but all dreams end
6.
sorry for me 04:46
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well, i almost lost my balance when my friends told me that they saw you in the back row at the movies with some guy you were laughing like a schoolkid, he had his hand inside your bra the ushers had to chase you out of there that night i’ve been trying to figure out why all this makes me feel so bad we had just been going out a little while this is not the first brush-off that i have ever had and it’s not like we’d started heading down the aisle who showed you how to get along? wonder if you always knew you could get away free there i go, still holding on everyone’s sorry for me sorry for me sorry for me i hang out late nights at the stop-and-go when i can’t get to sleep where one of my old high school buddies is the clerk i get home at 4 a.m. and watch the snow fall on TV then i get up at seven, get dressed, go to work well, i know that sounds pathetic but i don’t really feel that way i’m just so puzzled at this turn of my events i think about you all the time, your memory just won’t go away i lost my heart and i’ve been looking ever since who showed you how to get along? wonder if you always knew you could get away free there i go, still holding on everyone’s sorry for me sorry for me sorry for me this town is like a painting where i can hardly even move i’ve gone and gotten about as drunk as i can get i’d drink myself to sleep but i don’t know what that would prove and i don’t want to have it proved to me just yet who showed you how to get along? wonder if you always knew you could get away free there i go, still holding on everyone’s sorry for me sorry for me sorry for me
7.
untitled (oct 8) 05:10
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i’m gonna make a list of people who i’m not allowed to talk to anymore i’m gonna find a good excuse to keep myself from ever sleeping on yr floor i’m gonna stop myself from calling just to try to catch a glimmer of the past i’m gonna show myself the first day isn’t really all that different from the last but certain songs make me 17 yeah, some things never change and that includes you so here’s to when i said that i was never coming back and here’s to when i realized i’d lose you i know i must be poison, i can learn to live with that i know i must be poison, i can learn to live with that i know i must be poison, i can learn to live with that i know i must be poison, i can learn in 7th grade, i let a bully make me think that i was made to fear he slammed my head against the lockers chased me down, and made me want to disappear and so for years, i thought to make new friends i had to play myself as insecure i was working my way through it but then i loved you, and you didn’t so i had to close the door certain songs make me 12 years old yeah, some things never change, i swear i’m trying so here’s to when i said that i could never love you back and here’s to knowing now that i was lying i know i must be poison, i can learn to live with that i know i must be poison, i can learn to live with that i know i must be poison, i can learn to live with that i know i must be poison, i can learn i am tired of gathering dust i am freeing myself from my head where i locked myself up and i’m walking outside and i’m giving away all my cigarettes i am trying to keep all my friends i am proving i’m living my life i am calling you back i am trying to find my way out in the haze of the night i am tired of gathering dust i am freeing myself from my head where i locked myself up and i’m walking outside and i’m giving away all my cigarettes i am trying to keep all my friends i am proving i’m living my life i am calling you back i am trying to find my way out in the haze of the night
8.
fireball 02:45
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fireball in a coffee cup it’s april 2015 and i’m throwing up i black out on the bathroom floor while you and all of our friends are on the other side of the door the other side of the door i wake up in a different space with drake on the stereo dust on the emergency brake i split right at the seams and you and all of our friends are on the other side of a dream the other side of a dream but sleep will never come too many nights i stay up late and spill my guts nothing changes then it’s ten and i’m waking up three-quarters dead and thinking “how can i get through the day so i can go home and get drunk?” i can feel it sinking in how all this drinking starts to draw me thin but what’s one drunken night? or one more hungover day? i can push myself to the light i will push myself to the light i will try to make some sense i owe it to my parents and my friends i will earn the present tense i know that i can take control again i will try to make some sense i need to be better, i owe it to my friends i will take control again i will, i will, i will, i swear it but sleep will never come if i don’t let it and even though i know this all might sound pathetic i don’t want to have to change but i know i can’t survive if i stay the same
9.
thunderstorms 02:03
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going home on friday feeling anxious in the car drum my hands on the steering wheel i’m getting drunk tonight and on the courage of my liquor i’ll tell you the things that i’m tired of feeling and i’ll hear the rain outside and i’ll wait and i’ll turn the lights off in the house and i’ll sit with a glass in the dark and i’ll sit with a glass in the dark and i’ll sit with a glass in the dark
10.
gas station wine 03:58
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i wanna live in a clean and beautiful house like the one my parents raised me in i want disorder to belong to me my whole life i’ve been a year behind where i wanna be and i’m fading again i’m finding new things wrong with me but it’s okay it’s tuesday night i’ll be okay, i’ll be all right yeah, i’m just fine gas station wine, all i need is one more sign one more line, or, god forbid, just one more shot pens and dotted lines, how will we ever find the time to make up for all the time we’ve lost? you said you want a love that feels like faith one that’s worth believing in yeah, that “ultralight,” you said well, everything that i thought i loved is destroying me it’s happening quickly now but i guess it could all be in my head the last time i filled my tank you were in texas and now you’re gone again but i can’t blame you for that i really tried to make new york my home but now it’s yrs instead but i can’t take failure as fact but it’s okay i saved my life i’m tired of making my own light but at least it’s mine gas station wine, all i need is one more sign one more line, or, god forbid, just one more shot i wanna live in a clean and beautiful house like the one my parents raised me in i wanna live in a clean and beautiful house like the one my parents raised me in i wanna live in a clean and beautiful house like the one my parents raised me in i wanna live in a clean and beautiful house like the one my parents raised me in gas station wine, all i need is one more sign one more line, or, god forbid, just one more shot pens and dotted lines, how will we ever find the time to make up for all the time we’ve lost? to make up for all the time we’ve lost?

about

thanks to: connor mccampbell and mitch webb of tc superstar, ally brown of porchfire records, my parents, and a. richard

credits

released October 18, 2019

produced by connor mccampbell with additional production by me.
recorded by connor mccampbell, mitch webb, and me.
mixed and mastered by connor mccampbell.
all songs written by me except "sorry for me" (written by my dad—hi dad).

cover design and liner notes by me.
album poster by me and a. richard.

i played: rhythm guitar, lead guitar, piano, organ, all other keys.
i sang: all lead and background vocals.
connor played: all bass guitar and drum parts.

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nice bike Madison, Wisconsin

what's up welcome to my myspace

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iceandwire @ gmail.com

c/d/s/e 2023 –forever

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